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HIV Tales from my diary- Tale 6
It was an unusually calm morning. It was dawn of a day of spring. It was pregnant with hope. The calmness and freshness of spring both got aborted prematurely soon. The first patient , who was in a hopeless and desperately volatile mood, brought in an eerie . The calmness and pleasantness suddenly evaporated like camphor. She brought dark clouds with her and it looked like midnight of a moon less night – darkness surrounded my chamber from all sides in no time.
The weather changed.
Vibhuti was coming straight from a reputed lab of the city to me so as to ascertain the truth of her husband’s report. The report was a tell tale sign of a virus which predicts doom. The report of viral load and Cd4 of her husband meant the presence of HIV in him. Although the reports were not ringing alarm bells for his death yet there were sounds of fear of not having new life in their lives . She was livid with the fear of her motherhood hopes being dashed to the ground in an instant.
She has been married for more than a year. Her marriage was like a fairy tale coming alive. Vibhuti ,the only daughter of her parents (who had limited resources of living ) was universally beautiful and could have won any pageant hands down but for her participation. Amoort , her classmate , equally handsome ,was the only son , of a filthy ( in real sense) rich parents. Their respective families bore social labels ,which were north and south, in terms of status. Both of them knew that the biggest speed breaker ,in the ride of their fairy tale romance reaching the destination,of marriage , will be the moving wheels of money. They were certain to marry each other but obstacles were many, even time was a deterrent. The destiny also had a different design .
At the right time , wrong things started happening. When Amoort was about to talk and win over his parents, He fell ill. He became victim to a mysterious infection. He developed fever which was refusing to go and to add salt to injury he started having some fits as well. The cause detected after detailed investigations was found to be cryptococcal meningitis , a fungal infection of layers of brain. Even the best of doctors of the city were baffled by his deep fungal infection. Why it occurred was a cause of concern because it can happen only in persons with decreased immunity and that occurs in cancers etc. No body thought that the cause of low immunity can be a virus called HIV in his case. The virus , which in those days was considered to be An Invitation to Death Surely, virus which was supposed to cause AIDS. The whole family was in ,for a shock.
A search for a physician , who could be relied upon for his capabilities as well as maintaining secrecy of his ailment , began in right earnest. His friends and family could soon find ,my doors which were ajar for such victims of the virus and was not far off from his home too.
Those were not so early days of epidemic. New drugs had started becoming available. Managing HIV was hardly any issue by then. We the treating physicians , by now , were clear that HIV is a chronic manageable infection with which one can live a full life with few lifestyle changes .
In Amoort’s case however, more than antiviral drugs , drugs to tackle his deep fungal infection were needed. These drugs were not that freely available and used also. They were toxic and costly too. I had to work like a MD student ,once again after many years of passing my post graduation ,burn the midnight oil , literally, contact more seasoned peers to achieve the goal . The goal was to flush fungus out of his system without side effects of drugs and put him on antiretroviral drugs for life. The fungus could be successfully eradicated with the help of books and peers and hand of luck being on my side. The boy was now handed over to antiretroviral drugs and it was certain that he will be able to live long. This fact of his winning the battle , was the reason that Amoort’s discharge
from hospital was like convocation for me.
It was thrilling like first kiss or affair or the enjoyment one gets with first steps of ones own baby . Celebrations were all around his family and I was also a part of the same.
His family and mine discovered some more common links. He and his gang were friendly with my children’s friends. This fact strengthened further the links ,of a healer and to be healed.
Everything started moving in right direction once again. Amoort will come for his medicines and tests etc at appointed times on dot. He will often chitter chatter with me. We used to discuss things like any father discussing anything under the sun with his son.
I remember , one day ,we ,even discussed ,marriages. It was during this session that I told him not to go for this trap as that may harm someone else’s life rather than jeopardizing his own independence. Apparently he concurred. But little did I know that he was hiding his real intentions. I got a real shock ,of being not invited ,to his marriage. I came to know about his marriage in a rather sarcastic way of asking by someone known to both of us. The source of my information was none other than the friends ,who found my doors for his treatment and who had asked me once to counsel him against marriage. The shock was of a scale on Richter scale which could not shake even a brick. This was soon over when , I realized that it was me only , who was preaching him about not marrying and spoiling another life. In those circumstances ,when he was taking a call to defy me , how could he invite me. The ” no invite” decision of his was , understandable. I met him on a road side sometime later and expressed my annoyance too , but it was for the heck of it only.
My clinic doors were forgotten by him for some time , not because of my annoyance but because of his own guilt, I believe. His shame of not listening to his physician’s advise came on the way.
But as all times are not same , shame and annoyance also come to a halt after sometime. Not that the time heals or let one forget but certainly one learns to live with the pain , shame , anger et al. Same happened in this tale of Vibhuti and Amoort.
I never thought of this spring seasons ,early morning ,showing me the face of Vibhuti , the girl I used to meet at the bedside of gravely ill Amoort. She used to be in an all time worried mood. One day ,the same worried face will marry him, despite knowing his ailment ,was beyond my imagination.
I was aghast with the news that her husband not only hid the real ailment of his but was also successful in convincing her that his fungal infection was the main hurdle between her and her motherhood. He told her that it was me ,who has debarred pregnancy till the clearance of fungi from his body. He told her ,” today I shall get my report and then may be Dr. Bharti allows us with a green signal for pregnancy. It was Vibhuti’s anxiety which preempted her move to visit the lab herself. What she discovered was beyond her wildest dreams. The news of devastation brought her straight to me. She wanted me to deny the reality.Even , I was at my baffled most sense. How could he and his family hide the HIV from the delicate girl and entice the not so rich parents of hers to solemnize their marriage in the name of ” love” ??. I was thinking.
I was put to the cross once again. First her love tested me with the challenge of life and now she was challenging me to sort out her life’s crossroads.
Regrouping all my skills as a doctor and counseling specialization I tried to be as normal as possible. Despite my best , it took me no where in convincing her to adopt either of two roads.
First road was leading her back to her home and shattering the dreams of her family , breaking the parents fragile emotions and living away from her love.
The second route , I suggested her , was to keep living in the same relationship but without enjoying or hoping to enjoy the fruits of motherhood.
She did not want to go either way. She desired a child even at the risk of her getting the virus and disease.
Open challenge again.
Save the mother from HIV , help her have the child and save the child from HIV too. I started working like a MD student again. Searched here there and everywhere about the possibilities of childbirth in a serodiscordant couple of HIV negative wife with the sperms of seropositive husband. One Italian doctor was reporting about separation of virus from the semen. I probed the local IVF specialist about the possibility. He agreed that something like this can be attempted. But in the face of the real time scenario, he took the shield of law and morality and future and refused to undertake the difficult job and help Vibhuti. My search continued. The search
led me to a Mumbai based doctor , Dr. Malpani , who claimed success in couple of cases but at an exorbitant cost. Money being no consideration , the dreams of the couple has to be realized.
Success and destiny once again conspired to bring happiness in lives of the couple.
The fairy tale once once again became alive.
Today Vibhuti and Amoort don’t visit my clinic and are getting treatment from where , I don’t know and care. But there comes few social occasions ,when they cross my path. The pleasure I get in seeing them happy and the pleasure ,I get talking to their only school going son ,is beyond words of description.
I thank God for giving me an opportunity to be a doctor. I thank God for keeping the ” human” alive in me. I thank God for some fairy tales becoming alive.
Rakesh Bharti
The weather changed.
Vibhuti was coming straight from a reputed lab of the city to me so as to ascertain the truth of her husband’s report. The report was a tell tale sign of a virus which predicts doom. The report of viral load and Cd4 of her husband meant the presence of HIV in him. Although the reports were not ringing alarm bells for his death yet there were sounds of fear of not having new life in their lives . She was livid with the fear of her motherhood hopes being dashed to the ground in an instant.
She has been married for more than a year. Her marriage was like a fairy tale coming alive. Vibhuti ,the only daughter of her parents (who had limited resources of living ) was universally beautiful and could have won any pageant hands down but for her participation. Amoort , her classmate , equally handsome ,was the only son , of a filthy ( in real sense) rich parents. Their respective families bore social labels ,which were north and south, in terms of status. Both of them knew that the biggest speed breaker ,in the ride of their fairy tale romance reaching the destination,of marriage , will be the moving wheels of money. They were certain to marry each other but obstacles were many, even time was a deterrent. The destiny also had a different design .
At the right time , wrong things started happening. When Amoort was about to talk and win over his parents, He fell ill. He became victim to a mysterious infection. He developed fever which was refusing to go and to add salt to injury he started having some fits as well. The cause detected after detailed investigations was found to be cryptococcal meningitis , a fungal infection of layers of brain. Even the best of doctors of the city were baffled by his deep fungal infection. Why it occurred was a cause of concern because it can happen only in persons with decreased immunity and that occurs in cancers etc. No body thought that the cause of low immunity can be a virus called HIV in his case. The virus , which in those days was considered to be An Invitation to Death Surely, virus which was supposed to cause AIDS. The whole family was in ,for a shock.
A search for a physician , who could be relied upon for his capabilities as well as maintaining secrecy of his ailment , began in right earnest. His friends and family could soon find ,my doors which were ajar for such victims of the virus and was not far off from his home too.
Those were not so early days of epidemic. New drugs had started becoming available. Managing HIV was hardly any issue by then. We the treating physicians , by now , were clear that HIV is a chronic manageable infection with which one can live a full life with few lifestyle changes .
In Amoort’s case however, more than antiviral drugs , drugs to tackle his deep fungal infection were needed. These drugs were not that freely available and used also. They were toxic and costly too. I had to work like a MD student ,once again after many years of passing my post graduation ,burn the midnight oil , literally, contact more seasoned peers to achieve the goal . The goal was to flush fungus out of his system without side effects of drugs and put him on antiretroviral drugs for life. The fungus could be successfully eradicated with the help of books and peers and hand of luck being on my side. The boy was now handed over to antiretroviral drugs and it was certain that he will be able to live long. This fact of his winning the battle , was the reason that Amoort’s discharge
from hospital was like convocation for me.
It was thrilling like first kiss or affair or the enjoyment one gets with first steps of ones own baby . Celebrations were all around his family and I was also a part of the same.
His family and mine discovered some more common links. He and his gang were friendly with my children’s friends. This fact strengthened further the links ,of a healer and to be healed.
Everything started moving in right direction once again. Amoort will come for his medicines and tests etc at appointed times on dot. He will often chitter chatter with me. We used to discuss things like any father discussing anything under the sun with his son.
I remember , one day ,we ,even discussed ,marriages. It was during this session that I told him not to go for this trap as that may harm someone else’s life rather than jeopardizing his own independence. Apparently he concurred. But little did I know that he was hiding his real intentions. I got a real shock ,of being not invited ,to his marriage. I came to know about his marriage in a rather sarcastic way of asking by someone known to both of us. The source of my information was none other than the friends ,who found my doors for his treatment and who had asked me once to counsel him against marriage. The shock was of a scale on Richter scale which could not shake even a brick. This was soon over when , I realized that it was me only , who was preaching him about not marrying and spoiling another life. In those circumstances ,when he was taking a call to defy me , how could he invite me. The ” no invite” decision of his was , understandable. I met him on a road side sometime later and expressed my annoyance too , but it was for the heck of it only.
My clinic doors were forgotten by him for some time , not because of my annoyance but because of his own guilt, I believe. His shame of not listening to his physician’s advise came on the way.
But as all times are not same , shame and annoyance also come to a halt after sometime. Not that the time heals or let one forget but certainly one learns to live with the pain , shame , anger et al. Same happened in this tale of Vibhuti and Amoort.
I never thought of this spring seasons ,early morning ,showing me the face of Vibhuti , the girl I used to meet at the bedside of gravely ill Amoort. She used to be in an all time worried mood. One day ,the same worried face will marry him, despite knowing his ailment ,was beyond my imagination.
I was aghast with the news that her husband not only hid the real ailment of his but was also successful in convincing her that his fungal infection was the main hurdle between her and her motherhood. He told her that it was me ,who has debarred pregnancy till the clearance of fungi from his body. He told her ,” today I shall get my report and then may be Dr. Bharti allows us with a green signal for pregnancy. It was Vibhuti’s anxiety which preempted her move to visit the lab herself. What she discovered was beyond her wildest dreams. The news of devastation brought her straight to me. She wanted me to deny the reality.Even , I was at my baffled most sense. How could he and his family hide the HIV from the delicate girl and entice the not so rich parents of hers to solemnize their marriage in the name of ” love” ??. I was thinking.
I was put to the cross once again. First her love tested me with the challenge of life and now she was challenging me to sort out her life’s crossroads.
Regrouping all my skills as a doctor and counseling specialization I tried to be as normal as possible. Despite my best , it took me no where in convincing her to adopt either of two roads.
First road was leading her back to her home and shattering the dreams of her family , breaking the parents fragile emotions and living away from her love.
The second route , I suggested her , was to keep living in the same relationship but without enjoying or hoping to enjoy the fruits of motherhood.
She did not want to go either way. She desired a child even at the risk of her getting the virus and disease.
Open challenge again.
Save the mother from HIV , help her have the child and save the child from HIV too. I started working like a MD student again. Searched here there and everywhere about the possibilities of childbirth in a serodiscordant couple of HIV negative wife with the sperms of seropositive husband. One Italian doctor was reporting about separation of virus from the semen. I probed the local IVF specialist about the possibility. He agreed that something like this can be attempted. But in the face of the real time scenario, he took the shield of law and morality and future and refused to undertake the difficult job and help Vibhuti. My search continued. The search
led me to a Mumbai based doctor , Dr. Malpani , who claimed success in couple of cases but at an exorbitant cost. Money being no consideration , the dreams of the couple has to be realized.
Success and destiny once again conspired to bring happiness in lives of the couple.
The fairy tale once once again became alive.
Today Vibhuti and Amoort don’t visit my clinic and are getting treatment from where , I don’t know and care. But there comes few social occasions ,when they cross my path. The pleasure I get in seeing them happy and the pleasure ,I get talking to their only school going son ,is beyond words of description.
I thank God for giving me an opportunity to be a doctor. I thank God for keeping the ” human” alive in me. I thank God for some fairy tales becoming alive.
Rakesh Bharti
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