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Next few tales are related to the healers suffering themselves.
The panic button, the healers press once exposed non sexually to the virus is louder than any hooter announcements of war. As school kids ,during 1965 ,India Pakistan war ,the hooter used to be an adventure. In school, we used to hide below the desks. At home ,standing below doors or running to trenches used to be like hide and seek games. Black outs were experiences of unique variety. The sound of the hooter of HIV exposure real or imaginary is however more like an explosion of fear bomb in the minds of exposed that way. N number of times , over the years , I have been disarmed of my sleep ,de robbed in public because of this bomb scare. I still can’t forget one such scare while waiting for my cup of coffee in the newly opened Coffee Cafe Day ( CCD) in my town. I was just imagining the luxury of CCD in Europe brought home. The coffee cup, however was not be , and was broken by the tring tring of my cell phone. The hospital owner , a friend , wanted me to rush to his OT before they could operate upon a head injury patient , who was a doctor too. ” But why me ?” was my natural query to an unnatural call. I was told to stop wasting time in asking questions and be there.
The OT staff ,including the top anesthesiologist of the city was reluctant to operate upon this doctor brought from a nearby town because of his doubtful HIV status. The moment I saw Rajesh’s wife , a doctor herself , even my moment of bafflement arrived. This was only a couple of moths ago that the couple came to me for a dermatology consultation. Suspecting a rare tumor of endothelial cells of blood vessels ( Kaposi Sarcoma) a hallmark ,red flag sign of HIV patients , I had to hesitantly ask her to clear the mystery of his HIV status of Rajesh. Hesitantly , because he was a senior and a lovable friend. It was some years ago that the whole medical fraternity of the neighboring town was whispering in each other’s ears about the HIV status of Rajesh, a doctor of para clinical sciences, himself. The whole gossip game started after he lost his consciousness one day , and the cause of meningitis turned out to be cryptococci- a direct indicator of compromised immunity with 99 percent certainty of full blown AIDS. Toxoplasmosis , Oesphageal Candidiasis, Pneumocystic carinii Pneumonia and Cryptococcal Meningitis/ CMV retinitis , known by acronym of TOPIC were like signature tunes of music of death approaching HIV – AIDS patients. The doctors stature deterred everyone to ask the reality, but gossips never ended. Gossip rather became gigantic in proportions. I still remember ,one day ,few of this doctors trainees came to me and wanted to know ,” Sir can we attend his lectures”.
” Why are you asking that ?”
“Because we have heard he has AIDS”. The question answer session lasted for some thirty minutes as I had to explain that rumors should not be believed and moreover the virus under scanner doesn’t spread by casual contacts. So much was the ignorance about the disease that even medicos were scared to even face a patient as teacher. People stopped shaking hands with the doc and switched to indian style of greeting by folded hands to greet him.
Naturally , when he came to me with a suspicion of skin malignancy and my doubts between Psoriasis and K.S. , I had to confront him with straight questions despite my own hesitation. The couple denied with full force. I was baffled more. I wondered , why people enjoy others agony and gossip becomes their pastime at others expense. If there was no HIV then why ridicule the man and make him like an untouchable. My primary diagnosis changed and the couple went away. On that eventful day when Rajesh had a fall and suffered the injury on head, my focus returned.
He got the injury because he became almost blind with CMV retinitis ( third red flag raised by the virus in him). I was face to face with his reality , which he and his wife has so vehemently denied sometime ago. The couple did that so as to hide the scars of mind , to run away from the stigma. They did not have faith in my medical ethics and suspected like others , I may also not add salt to their injury. They thought , I may add wind to the fire like gossip of character assassination of the duo. They did not want the medical world to know about something ,for which ,the world will not understand their innocence. They never realized that they had not done a crime and all fingers are not alike, I was different. To contract a disease is a misfortune but not a crime. Living in the fear of stigma , couple wore a veil of secrecy and in the process denied the best medical talent around to handle. Suffering from various deadly ailment could not save his life but decidedly , he left a lesson for those still alive. The loud and clear message revive an old Punjabi saying ” if there is fire , shout from the roof top of your house”. If you hide your health issues even from your healthcare friends ,then even God can’t save you. His memories of recognizing me just from my voice will linger forever in me. The last ditch efforts after this proved futile and even the surgery conducted after my counseling to the staff, could not save the doctor friend. The occupational hazard took away a life, just because of fear of stigma , just because of denying far vision to self , just because —–.
Rakesh Bharti
Next few tales are related to the healers suffering themselves.
The panic button, the healers press once exposed non sexually to the virus is louder than any hooter announcements of war. As school kids ,during 1965 ,India Pakistan war ,the hooter used to be an adventure. In school, we used to hide below the desks. At home ,standing below doors or running to trenches used to be like hide and seek games. Black outs were experiences of unique variety. The sound of the hooter of HIV exposure real or imaginary is however more like an explosion of fear bomb in the minds of exposed that way. N number of times , over the years , I have been disarmed of my sleep ,de robbed in public because of this bomb scare. I still can’t forget one such scare while waiting for my cup of coffee in the newly opened Coffee Cafe Day ( CCD) in my town. I was just imagining the luxury of CCD in Europe brought home. The coffee cup, however was not be , and was broken by the tring tring of my cell phone. The hospital owner , a friend , wanted me to rush to his OT before they could operate upon a head injury patient , who was a doctor too. ” But why me ?” was my natural query to an unnatural call. I was told to stop wasting time in asking questions and be there.
The OT staff ,including the top anesthesiologist of the city was reluctant to operate upon this doctor brought from a nearby town because of his doubtful HIV status. The moment I saw Rajesh’s wife , a doctor herself , even my moment of bafflement arrived. This was only a couple of moths ago that the couple came to me for a dermatology consultation. Suspecting a rare tumor of endothelial cells of blood vessels ( Kaposi Sarcoma) a hallmark ,red flag sign of HIV patients , I had to hesitantly ask her to clear the mystery of his HIV status of Rajesh. Hesitantly , because he was a senior and a lovable friend. It was some years ago that the whole medical fraternity of the neighboring town was whispering in each other’s ears about the HIV status of Rajesh, a doctor of para clinical sciences, himself. The whole gossip game started after he lost his consciousness one day , and the cause of meningitis turned out to be cryptococci- a direct indicator of compromised immunity with 99 percent certainty of full blown AIDS. Toxoplasmosis , Oesphageal Candidiasis, Pneumocystic carinii Pneumonia and Cryptococcal Meningitis/ CMV retinitis , known by acronym of TOPIC were like signature tunes of music of death approaching HIV – AIDS patients. The doctors stature deterred everyone to ask the reality, but gossips never ended. Gossip rather became gigantic in proportions. I still remember ,one day ,few of this doctors trainees came to me and wanted to know ,” Sir can we attend his lectures”.
” Why are you asking that ?”
“Because we have heard he has AIDS”. The question answer session lasted for some thirty minutes as I had to explain that rumors should not be believed and moreover the virus under scanner doesn’t spread by casual contacts. So much was the ignorance about the disease that even medicos were scared to even face a patient as teacher. People stopped shaking hands with the doc and switched to indian style of greeting by folded hands to greet him.
Naturally , when he came to me with a suspicion of skin malignancy and my doubts between Psoriasis and K.S. , I had to confront him with straight questions despite my own hesitation. The couple denied with full force. I was baffled more. I wondered , why people enjoy others agony and gossip becomes their pastime at others expense. If there was no HIV then why ridicule the man and make him like an untouchable. My primary diagnosis changed and the couple went away. On that eventful day when Rajesh had a fall and suffered the injury on head, my focus returned.
He got the injury because he became almost blind with CMV retinitis ( third red flag raised by the virus in him). I was face to face with his reality , which he and his wife has so vehemently denied sometime ago. The couple did that so as to hide the scars of mind , to run away from the stigma. They did not have faith in my medical ethics and suspected like others , I may also not add salt to their injury. They thought , I may add wind to the fire like gossip of character assassination of the duo. They did not want the medical world to know about something ,for which ,the world will not understand their innocence. They never realized that they had not done a crime and all fingers are not alike, I was different. To contract a disease is a misfortune but not a crime. Living in the fear of stigma , couple wore a veil of secrecy and in the process denied the best medical talent around to handle. Suffering from various deadly ailment could not save his life but decidedly , he left a lesson for those still alive. The loud and clear message revive an old Punjabi saying ” if there is fire , shout from the roof top of your house”. If you hide your health issues even from your healthcare friends ,then even God can’t save you. His memories of recognizing me just from my voice will linger forever in me. The last ditch efforts after this proved futile and even the surgery conducted after my counseling to the staff, could not save the doctor friend. The occupational hazard took away a life, just because of fear of stigma , just because of denying far vision to self , just because —–.
Rakesh Bharti
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